Tiger Liked His Women to Be Named for Big Cats Too

In the News...
Trolling around Deadspin (something I typically avoid for its tendency towards the tasteless) I came across an article about one of Tiger Wood's latest revealed conquests, this time a 40-something woman. Deadspin has labeled her a cougar, which almost made me claim him to be a man after my own heart (well, aside from that small bit of infidelity), but then I took a look at this supposed "cougar" and shook my head sadly. She was no Jane Seymour quality cougar. In fact, she just looked like a botoxed-up porn star passing as a cougar.

Ok, maybe that was harsh. But I'm beginning to think society is using that label way too liberally. Or maybe I'm just trolling in this blog post. Maybe I've finally lost my mind. Clearly, debating society's use of the word "cougar" not as demeaning to women, but as being applied willy-nilly either implies I am a huge troll or I have a vested interest in cougars that extends beyond simple semantics. Fine, you caught me. You caught me red-handed. That's right, The Crier happens to believe in the theological doctrine of Cougar Sanctity. Why do I believe in it? Well, for one, I made it up. For another, I happen to hold the cougar label to higher standards. A "cougar" isn't simply an older woman who likes a younger man to get the job done. No, readers, a cougar is as much an age as it is a state of mind.

Zen, right?

Actually, that part was trolling. But looking at Tiger Wood's "cougar" makes me realize how different my interpretation of cougar is, compared to that of popular culture. And yes, I am seriously debating this. Stop sniggering, you know I've got a point. We're squandering a term without thought to its consequences on anyone woman who happens to have sex with any man under 35, apparently. A shameful waste, if I do say so. Maybe its just that I hold cougars to a higher standard than porn-fodder and instead view it as women like Jane Seymour, Emma Thompson, Cate Blanchett, Laura Linney, and Mary McDonnell as the sort of famous summations of "cougarness," because they don't have to be famous by any means. Or maybe its just that I spend way too much time thinking about this. So sue me for asking the questions everyone else was thinking. Ok, maybe not everyone. But seriously, popular culture, either reign in the cougar branding or I will have to drop it altogether and find another way to label my fetishization of older women.

No shame, readers.

-The Crier.