Nevermind Seaworld, I'm Going to Sealand

Urban Decay...
The Principality of Sealand. A micronation located in the North Sea, Sealand is the sort of independent nation that I can get behind. For one, it was constructed on the remnants of a World War II-era Maunsell Fort, which were used throughout the war to deter German air raids and mine laying. "Captured" in 1967 by self-appointed "Major" Patty Roy Bates (who, you guessed it, is a Scotsman) a pirate radio jockey who actively took the station from a group of competing disc jockeys in what could be described as the most dramatic fight between music snobs since the debate over whether or not listening to "Don't Stop Believing" ironically was acceptable. The Royal Navy, which had long since abandoned the stations, got drawn into a conflict with the new Prince Roy Bates of Sealand in 1968 after attempting to repair a sonar bouy in the area around the old tower. Bates, claiming that they were in the territorial waters of his nation actually fired on the Royal Navy repair crew. Had Bates not been summoned to court, the UK may have been forced into a conflict with even less strategic meaning than the Falklands War. In any event, the courts ruled that Prince Bates and his royal family could not be expelled from the plaform, as it resided just outside of England's jurisdiction in the North Sea. (In 1987 the line would be extended 12 miles out to sea, in response, Sealand also increased its territorial claims until it nearly controlled Ipswich.)

As a result of the successful court case, Bates, in 1975 became an official citizen of Sealand, adopting a constitution, national flag, national anthem, giving out passports, printing his own money, and officially berating Madagascar for the assassination of its leader, Colonel Richard Ratsimandrava. Well, perhaps not that last bit, but Prince Roy "Batty Boy" Bates was sure up to some crazy-ass micronation building.

Although not all would remain peachy in the country of Sealand. In 1978, a mere 3 years after Prince Bates' triumphant creation of the most hideous, concrete-poured state in the world, the nation of Sealand was to be torn asunder by the notorious Sealand Conflict of 1978. As wikipedia so kindly summarizes:

The Sealand Conflict was a war that happened in 1978, roughly ten years after Sealand first gained independence from The United Kingdom. It was resolved without any casualties, yet many POWs were taken.

In early August of 1978, the Prince Regent of Sealand, Paddy Roy Bates, was approached by a group of West German and Dutch diamond merchants who claimed to be interested in discussing a possible business deal with him. The men arranged to meet Bates and his wife, Joan, in Austria. They soon departed for the meeting, leaving their son, Prince Michael, to look after Sealand. Upon their arrival they were met by five men who arranged to meet them later that day. When they met, Bates and his wife were captured by a group of Austrians who told them nothing of their motives or if they planned to let them go or not.

As the Prince and his wife were being held captive in Austria, a helicopter landed on Sealand, a group of men led by Sealand's then prime minister, Alexander Achenbach, got out and claimed to have a message from Roy. They then took the country by force, capturing Michael. They took the Prince, tied him up and locked him in a room for three days without food or water. Eventually, the captors took Michael out onto the deck of the tower and threatened to throw him overboard to drown. Eventually, the raiders loaded Michael onto a Danish operated ship that landed in North Holland. He was left there with no money or passport.

Prince Michael, the brave soldier of the watch, was not to be removed so easily from the kingdom of his birthright and:

While in The Netherlands, Michael called his friend John Creudson, an English helicopter pilot who had done stunts for many of the James Bond films, for help. John came to Michael's aid, he gave him a shotgun and flew him to Sealand. As they flew closer to the platform, it became clear that the helicopter would not be able to land safely, Michael decided to let down a rope and climb down. As he reached the platform, he fired a warning shot which caused the invaders to promptly surrender. They were then taken as prisoners of war. Upon hearing new of this, the men in Austria released the monarchs instantly and promised them no more harm. The POWs were speedily released and given reparations, Achenbach, however, being the Prime Minister was held longer and charged with treason. He was charged 75,000 Deutsche Marks, which was roughly 35,000 US Dollars. He refused to pay.

The short-lived, bloodless war over Sealand was far from over. Achenbach, a citizen of both West Germany as well as the Netherlands, created an international stir as he was held at Sealand. Both governments demanded from Great Britain Achenbach's release, but Britain deftly claimed that they had no authority over their former citizens and cited the initial court case against Bates from 1968 to further wash their hands of the matter. West Germany ultimately sent a diplomat to Sealand to negotiate for Achebach's release, which was finally granted. Prince Bates assumed this to mean that Sealand had been recognized by another nation, a fact that West Germany strenuously denied. Upon Achenbach's return, he immediately formed a government in exile in West Germany. The government is still in operation, though run by another crazy German now.

Why all the hullabaloo over this sea platform? Its not really clear, honestly. It seems like a lot of spoiled, rich men playing out their adolescent fantasies on the ocean. Things after the 1978 incident and into the 90's and 00's only highlight the oddity that is Sealand. Run like an actual state, Sealand has released flyers and official documents explaining its stance on things as far and wide as passports and foreign policy. Their foreign policy stance is particularly clear, as one full of adjectives and just odd phrasing in general. Since the Sealand Conflict of '78, Sealand has fired on a second Royal Navy vessel, had a fire break out requiring the assistance of the Royal Navy and local fire boats to put it out, was involved in a deal to sell itself to The Pirate Bay following their lawsuits in Sweden, was briefly offered up for sale until someone finally realized that soverign states cannot actually be sold, floated (get it?) the idea of an online casion, and, lastly, was nearly claimed by the dubious Kingdom of Marduk, which is not a nation from Star Wars as I initially believed. The claim, however, was handily dismissed by Bates who remarked only that: "Marduk has popped up before". Oh, and did I metion they are on facebook? Well, they are.

So, if you ever have the desire to turn a crappy old cement tower in the middle of an English sea into your own personal kingdom, engage in warfare with Austrian diamond smugglers, have yourself flown in by a James Bond stunt pilot, fire on vessels of a sovereign nation much, much, much larger than yourself, and generally just be ridiculous know this: it has already been done, much better than you could ever do...ever. You know why? Because they have fucking Orca Whales on their money. You can never be this crazy. Never. Much like the Highlander, there can only be one Sealand.