More New Year's Predictions

Seeing as The Economist got around to putting up his predictions about The Future! I thought I'd try my hand at playing Nostradamus. And no, I don't mean the sex act that is so popular with kids today--I mean predictions. Plain and simple. Where is the world heading in 2010? Well, I'm here to give you my take.

First: The World of Sports

• Everyone loves to make sports predictions. It's the next fucking cottage industry. First up, Superbowl XIVL. I'll make the crazy pick, since that's what I'm best at...being crazy. I'm going with a Cardinals v. Colts matchup for the game with the Colts eking out a close win. Something like 23-21. Yeah, Matt Stover, I'm looking at you. Or Adam Vinatieri depending on your injury status. In any event, last second field goal baby! So maybe its just a pipe dream, but the Cards crept into the Superbowl last year without anyone noticing. I'd like to think they can do it again. Maybe I just love redemption.
• The Chargers will lose, yet again, in the AFC playoffs. This team just can't finish strong. They're like the shitty lovers of the football world.
  
• The Pittsburgh Steelers, whether they make the playoffs or not, will believe themselves to be persecuted by the rest of the NFL because they were only able to make it into the playoffs with the help of about half the NFL. Woodley has already cried about how the rest of the AFC is out to get Pittsburgh. I'd like to take this time to point out to Pittsburgh that it is a sign of a highly inflated collective ego when you believe other NFL teams already in the playoffs will actively throw games to keep you out. Also, your team probably shouldn't have looked like it was throwing games through, oh, the whole middle of the season if you guys were worried about this. Reap what you sow.
  
• The Cleveland Browns under Mike Holmgren and second year coach Eric Mangini will go 8-8 and miss the playoffs, coming in 3rd in the division. There will be a new QB of Holmgren's choosing. John Gruden, no matter how much I want him to come coach, will not. The Bengals will not repeat their strong season, falling back into the cellar of the AFC North.
  
• That above prediction is based on absolutely no solid facts. I'm just pulling shit out of my ass here.
• NASCAR will finally be canceled because it is stupid.
• Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow will finally announce their impending marriage.

Wooo!: The World of Politics

• Rush Limbaugh will survive his heart troubles, solely because he has no heart to trouble him.
• Sarah Palin will get taken down by her worst enemy--herself or Levi Johnson? Or both?
• John McCain will slowly fade back to the not crazy right-winger he was before the election, making him and George Voinovich the only sane Republicans left in the world. Sadly, few in their party will listen to them.
• Policy will continue to kill off the middle class.

Next up: The World of Everything Else

• I will continue to derive an uncalled for amount of pleasure from photo-shopping large jungle cats into pictures of Tiger Woods.
• People will continue to be as stupid and scummy as they always have been.
• I will still hate math.
• Clash of the Titans will be as ridiculous and whorish as you'd expect. So too will the A-Team movie.
• Harry Potter 7 will unleash the stupidity of Stephen Cloves for one...no, two, more times. Rupert Grint will get his ginger-ness cured.

There are my predictions for the new year on everything I could think of in a half an hour. Stay classy you bastards. And Happy New Year.

-The Crier.